Coolidge recognized the importance of the family to the country in which he was leading. Do you recognize the importance of the family to God’s plan?

Fathers and mothers,

The children that the LORD GOD blesses you with (Psalm 127) are in your hands and it is your responsibility to nurture and shape their hearts and minds for the Lord. ASK GOD FOR HELP daily and He will help you, though. Parenting is probably the most difficult challenge upon this earth, but it is also the most rewarding and joy-filled as well.

Here I will encourage you to FOCUS ON THE FAMILY. Do not allow Satan to pull you into the worldly temporary pursuits that do not have a fraction of the value of our families. Find the right balance in life in regard to the work that must be done in order to provide for the family, while also learning to help your children come alongside you so that they will become producers in the home and not consumers only.

We will examine the Scriptures here as well as other helpful resources that are focused on God’s word and talk in depth about some extremely beneficial God-given principles that will strengthen your family for the Lord. There will also be much practical wisdom and suggestions given to help us improve such things as family worship and leadership in the home.

Join me here tomorrow and the next day and the next as we strengthen our families in the Lord together!

Trent Dean

Notice God’s design.

God did NOT set up judges for families to send their children to and be educated in the Law of God. God did NOT make it the priest’s responsibility to teach the children.

He told all of Israel through Moses that it would be the parents that were to teach their children and through this method faith and salvation could pass from one generation to the next until the LORD God calls us all Home.

Now, carrying this principle forward to today, it is NOT the Bible class teachers responsibility to teach your children. It is not the public school system or any other branch of the government’s responsibility to teach your children. Fathers and mothers, God has placed this responsibility upon you.

Sure the Bible class teachers can help as well as other means of support, but read carefully Deuteronomy 6:7-9. The teaching of our children is a way of life. God’s way. It is a 24/7 process.

No fear! When God gives a task He will give what is needed to accomplish the task. But we can’t sit back and do nothing.

What should we do first?

Read Psalm 127. “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain…”

ASK GOD FOR HELP daily.

And then what?

Work to equip ourselves daily.

And herein lies the value of this site. We will work together. We will all be praying for God’s help and we will all be striving together to equip ourselves to raise up godly offspring to the glory of our Almighty God. Faith and salvation will flow seamlessly from one generation to the next until He calls us all Home. It’s a beautifully designed plan, but a plan will only work when people get to work.

So let’s get to work!

I’ll see you here again tomorrow.

Trent Dean

Husbands and Fathers: The Prayer Leader

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:22-24).

Husbands and fathers, you may love reading the passage above because it shows that we are the head of the family, we are the leaders of the family and our wives are to subject themselves to us, as to the Lord.

But we must REALIZE that this means we are RESPONSIBLE for our families.

It is OUR job to make sure our family is on the right path and going in the right direction continually. In JUDGMENT, God will hold us ACCOUNTABLE for what our family did and did not do.

Remember the priest Eli being punished by God, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them (1 Samuel 3:11-14).

So, Husbands and Fathers, how is your family’s prayer life?

Do not tell about your wife who doesn’t want to pray or your children who do not like to pray. Don’t tell about your family’s hectic schedule.

We are at WAR! This is not a game.

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12 For our struggle is not against [e]flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm (Ephesians 6:10-13).

We are at war. Satan is attacking your family daily and YOU are the leader of that family. It is your job to lead the battle cry against the forces of evil.

Husbands and fathers, how is your family’s prayer life?

Don’t tell me about how much money you are making and how much good food your kids are eating. Don’t tell me about all that you are providing for your family that your parents didn’t provide for you.

Are you praying?

Because that is your job.

It is your job as the leader to get your wife on board and to raise up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

--

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body (Ephesians 5:23).

Christ is the head of the church, so we need to ask ourselves what is His role with the church in regard to prayer.

34 who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us (Romans 8:34).

25 Therefore He is able also to save forever those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them (Hebrews 7:25).

Husbands and fathers, just as Christ intercedes on behalf of the church, it is our duty to intercede on behalf of our wife and children.

Do you pray for your wife? Do you thank God for your wife? Are you specific when you pray for your wife? Does your wife ever hear you praying for her? Does she hear you asking God on her behalf with specificity?

What about your children? Do you thank God for you children? They are a blessing from the LORD our God (Psalm 127). Are you specific when you pray for your children? Do they ever hear you praying on their behalf?

Are you really praying for your wife and children or are you really praying for yourself?

Does your prayer sound something like this?

“God, please get my wife to stop nagging me. Help her to understand that she needs to…”

3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures (James 4:3).

Selfish prayer is not acceptable husbands and fathers.

3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves (Philippians 2:3);

Pray that you will become the husband that your wife needs. Pray that you will become the father that your children need. Selfish prayer is not acceptable.

When we focus on becoming more like Jesus, and utilizing prayer to help us do so, consequently the rest of our family will be influenced into the same pattern of becoming.

Husbands and fathers, we must REALIZE that our wife and children are more important than we are.

--

It happened that while Jesus was praying in a certain place, after He had finished, one of His disciples said to Him, “Lord, teach us to pray just as John also taught his disciples” (Luke 11:1).

It is our duty to TEACH our family to pray. Notice the disciples having spent time with Jesus knew that He could teach them how to pray.

Have you ever done anything in your home that would let your family know they could learn how to pray from you?

Pray with your family. Set time aside for prayer.

Schedule time for prayer. All your children’s ball games and activities are scheduled. School is scheduled. Work is scheduled. Why not schedule prayer?

Turn off your phone and pray.

Satan does not want you and your family to pray so don’t be surprised when that phone rings while your praying. Turn off the phone and pray.

Sit down with your children and pray.

Open the Bible and read passages of people praying.

Talk to your children about their prayers.

Have them repeat a prayer after you.

Ask them for one thing they are thankful for and then teach them to thank God in prayer.

Make connections to their life and God’s creation and workings in our life.

If they can write, then teach them to write a prayer and if they can’t write then use prayer as a means to help them learn to write.

REALIZE that prayer and ensuring your family is plugged-in to God through prayer is of the UTMOST IMPORTANCE.

--

7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7).

Husbands and fathers, we must be understanding towards our wives. We must honor and serve them. If we aren’t not doing this, then our prayers are not getting above the rafters in our homes.

If we let bitterness and resentment reside in our homes, our prayers are going nowhere.

If we are not living as we ought to, then our wives and children see our hypocrisy, and our prayer leadership will do no good.

If we are going to be prayer leaders in the home, we must start by being the husbands and fathers that we are supposed to be. We must live in a manner worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Wives and Mothers: The Prayer Partner

“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands” (Proverbs 14:1).

These are your choices. There is no middle ground. Either you are building your house or you are pulling it down with your own hands. But remember from Psalm 127:1, in order to build your house, you must be inviting the Lord to build it for you. If you are not praying, you are pulling your house down.

So many of you, wives, do so much for your families. You work countless hours, not only to manage the home, but in many of your cases to help provide for your family. Maybe you even come home to an unappreciative husband and children, yet your work continues. You cook and you clean. You run your children around to all their events. You help the children with their homework and their Bible class lesson. You wash and iron your family’s clothes. You keep the home clean. You perpetually burn the candle at both ends of the stick.

But here is the question: Do you make any of it worthwhile by praying?

Sisters, Genesis 2:18 provides the overarching responsibility for your role in the home. Your duty is to be a helper to your husband, a partner. Proverbs 31:12 puts it this way, “She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” The greatest good you can do for your husband is to pray with him and pray for him.

There is an old saying, that a man may work from sun to sun, but a woman’s work is never done. I don’t particularly like the saying because it implies that one works harder or longer than the other, and with that stems animosity or bitterness. A husband and wife need to be a strong partnership. Satan does not want that. The world wants to pit men and women against each other in competition. This is the #MeToo generation. Women are taught by society to say, “Anything you can do, I can do better.” In our homes, husbands and wives need to have the mentality, “Anything you can do, I can help you do better.” That is the benefit of a team, a partnership. Do not let Satan pit you against your spouse. If our families are fighting against their selves, then we have no time to mount successful attacks against Satan.

Wives, competition at home is a real hindrance to prayer with and for your husband. When you view your husband as the competition, you view him as the enemy instead of Satan. When he is your enemy, you don’t want to pray for him, you want to beat him.

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, (Matthew 5:43-44).

Of course, you are to pray even for your enemies, but your husband should be your partner. If your husband makes this difficult then this is something to pray about. Take this to the Lord in prayer and consider how the Lord may build your house in helping you change the heart of your husband.

So no matter what your husband says or does or believes about the family, you must pray for him, and hopefully he will allow you to pray with him as well.

--

3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God (1 Peter 3:3-4).

If you want to be praying warriors in your homes, you must follow the advice of Peter. You are going to have to adorn yourselves with a gentle, meek spirit which is precious in the sight of God.

This does not mean you have to change your personality. It does mean you have to remember that you are a partner with your husband not a competitor. To truly accomplish that you are going to have to value what God values. You are going to have to think what God thinks. You are going to have to want what God wants. You are going to have to let your life and your family be God’s instruments to work in this world. This is the crux of successful prayer.

Prayer only works when we line up with God in our values, thoughts, desires, words and actions. Only when we line up with God can our prayers come in line with Him and impact Him. Because only then will our prayers really be what they ought to be.

--

Regrettably, I must address the wives who deal with husbands who choose not to be prayer leaders. Too many men, even Christian men, get caught up in material pursuits and other idol worship and let spirituality slip in their families.

Wives, remember 1 Peter 3:1-2.

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”

You must continue to conduct yourself in humble submission. Allow me to give you some prayer advice. Pray for your husbands. Pray for yourself that you might be the wife you ought to be. Pray for your husband in front of your children and teach them to pray for him. Thank God for your husband and the aspects of his life that are praiseworthy; and do so in front of your children. Teach your children to honor their father, simply because he is the father. But always teach them to honor and serve God above their father. Pray that your children follow their heavenly Father. Pray this in front of them.

Furthermore, never belittle your husband because he is not what he is supposed to be. This will not help him become. It will only produce bitterness and resentment and further divide. Simply pray for him and help him become what he ought to be. Never forget 1 Peter 3:1-2. Do as Peter writes and you will have the best opportunity to win your husband’s heart to the Lord and his family. Further, do not teach or allow your children to berate or belittle their father for his lack of spirituality. They may need to pray for their father to overcome weaknesses and sins, but they must always honor him as their father.

If you read Lee Strobel’s “Case for Christ” then you will read a firsthand account of a praying wife that was blessed to witness the transformation of an obstinate atheist husband into a zealous disciple of Jesus Christ and to hear her young daughter tell her Bible class teacher that she wanted whatever it is that changed her father. They witnessed the grace of God firsthand in their home and it all started with a wife that was willing to remain submissive, continue to conduct herself in a chaste respectful manner towards her husband and pray for him relentlessly. The Lord changed their home completely and it began with a wife asking Him to do so and continuing in that manner daily.

Children: Obeying Prayers

Children, Ephesians 6:1-2 explains your role in the home.

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth (Ephesians 6:1-3).

Your role is obedience in your home. This ought to be the number one principle guiding your prayers, that you may fulfill your role at home, obeying and honoring your mother and father.

You must understand that prayer is not just for adults. You cannot wait until you have graduated from school, moved out and started “your own life” to pray. One of the most regrettable things that parents often do with children today is segregate them off based on their age.

“He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20).

Children NEED to spend a large majority of their time with the wise, not their peers.

How many times, parents, do we have people over to our house to sing, study, or pray and send our children (even the ones who have already become Christians) off to “play”. Children, respectfully let your parents know that you need to worship God with them. Listen to how your parents pray. Ask them to teach you to pray. If your parents do not pray, find someone who does.

This sending children off to “play” is a reflection of our modern American society where kids are consumers only and not producers. Where kids exist with very low expectations. This is not from God. This is from man. Do not fall into the foolish ways of man just because it is the norm or it is commonplace. Parents, be thoughtful about the decisions you make and see their effect. It is your responsibility to raise your children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. But children, you must take ownership of your life and not just go with the flow. If you recognize or think that something is not wise or good, then respectfully let your parents know. Do not be emotional. Simply talk to them and they should listen.

Children, above all pray for your parents. Whether you like to hear this or not, raising you is not easy. Your parents believe it is the toughest thing they have to do. They live in constant fear that they are doing it incorrectly. Pray for them to have wisdom to raise you properly. Further, you should thank God profusely for your parents, even with all their faults. They feed you, they clothe you, they send you to school, they bring you to worship. They deserve your prayers. They need your prayers.

In Proverbs 3:1-12, Solomon spoke to his son about worshiping and honoring God. He talked about learning God’s word. He talked about giving of your means to God’s work. He talked about submitting to the discipline of the Lord. In verses 5-8, his words have special application to your prayers. Perhaps you have already learned that the world is fickle. You cannot trust the world. Too often you cannot trust your friends. Too often you cannot even trust your family. But you must KNOW that you can always trust God and do so. In the end, God is always there for you and will bring you through whatever you face.

Therefore, you must pray to Him, trusting Him. Further, you must acknowledge Him in all your ways. You get to eat because of God. You breathe because of God. Your successes are all because of God’s grace. You to need to thank Him and acknowledge His grace in your life. You must never be wise in your own eyes believing you have somehow provided any of what you have. This is particularly pertinent for young adults. How easy it is to believe we have figured out all the answers. Our parents are blind and foolish. Our elders are behind the times. But we have figured life out. Do not fall into this trap, which our society is so willing to let us believe. Do not be wise in your own eyes. Simply follow the Lord, fearing Him, trusting Him, praying to Him. This will be health and strength to you.

Children, do not wait to pray. Start now.

Conclusion:

We come full circle to Psalm 127:1, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” To the family who does not pray, that psalm is pretty frightening. But to the plugged-in family, that psalm is great comfort. When your family is a praying family, everything you do is worthwhile, nothing is vain. When you invite the Lord to build your home through prayer, He can and will do exceedingly, abundantly above all you ask and think through your family (Ephesians 3:20).

Is your family praying?

Practical Action

1. Schedule Your Praying.

Schedule time for your family to be together and to pray together. Turn the phone off. Don’t make any excuses. Satan doesn’t want you and your family praying. It won’t be easy to create and sustain this new part of your family life. Are you going to let Satan beat you and keep your family from plugging-in to God daily?

2. Children Need To Hear Both Parents Pray (this is not a suggestion).

Daughters do not need to grow up thinking prayer is their father’s province and sons don’t need to grow up thinking prayer is women’s work. They need to recognize that prayer is what Christians do.

Boys need to know their father is man enough to get down on his knees and cry out to the LORD God.

We shouldn’t struggle to find women who are comfortable leading prayer in a women’s Bible study. If daughters are growing up hearing their mother pray then this won’t be the case.

3. A Husband and Wife Need to Pray together.

Nothing is more intimate. Nothing unites and bonds a couple together more so than hearing the deepest needs of the heart confessed. This removes all pretense and secrecy as both open themselves up to God with their spouse along side them.

This brings up an important question. Is the wife allowed to vocalize a prayer in the husband’s presence?

I don’t want anyone to violate their conscience, but I will explain what I believe based on the Scriptures.

33 for God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints. 34 The women are to keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but are to subject themselves, just as the Law also says. 35 If they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is [n]improper for a woman to speak in church (1 Corinthians 14:33-35).

The very thing that is not to happen in the assembly is said to be done at home. The principle of this passage is governing the assembly, not the home. Because of this I believe it is lawful for husbands and wives to pray together and with one another in the home.

But if you can’t wrap your mind around this and you feel like you are usurping authority then find some way to be able to lay out your cares and concerns so that your husband can take them to God with you.

4. Encourage your children with praise.

Children can be very silly. Don’t think that silliness will just disappear because it is time to pray. The younger they are the more likely they are going to pray for their stuffed animal Fido or their feet or whatever else pops into their mind. Remember the concept of prayer is not easily grasped. Don’t be so quick to assume they are being disrespectful. If every time a child prays, the parent’s response is “don’t say that” or “don’t pray for that” and the parent is constantly putting them down then the only thing the child is going to learn is that they don’t like praying.

Yes, there are times when I correct my children gently while praying or instruct them to be more serious and help them understand why at that particular moment (maybe praying for someone who is sick or in need). There are times I rebuke them strongly for being blasphemous or disrespectful, but all of that is done very carefully and thoughtfully. For the child needs lots and lots of praise and encouragement. So even after the times they have received a strong rebuke and correction, I make sure after they turn the prayer to something acceptable they receive the praise and acceptance of a loving father.

After all, we should want our children to love to pray. We should want them to KNOW the real God and KNOW that He alone is the Almighty, not their Marvel super hero characters and other fictional stories so we must make sure our overarching teaching, example, and leadership while they are praying reflects this.

5. Praying through the Bible (an excellent tool).

This is a tool you can use to help your family pray together. The entire family. It works great with children.

Bring the family together. Select a Bible passage. If you are going to do this regularly then you can just use your regular family reading passage. Everyone who can write will need a sheet of paper and something to write with. Each sheet of paper will have the following five sentence starters:

1. Dear God, you are…

2. Dear God, you…

3. Dear God, thank you…

4. Dear God, forgive me for…

5. Dear God, help…

Each person individually would pick something from the Bible passage to complete each of the sentences. If your family was reading Genesis 1:1 then it may look something like this.

Dear God, you are the creator.

Dear God, you created the heavens and the earth.

Dear God, thank you for creating me and giving me my family.

Dear God, forgive me for not appreciating your creation and being thankful for how amazing it is.

Dear God, help me to enjoy your creation and strengthen my faith.

*Remember children will think and pray some of the most interesting things. Be careful not to jump to the conclusion that their prayer is not connected with the Bible passage. Oftentimes they will make connections in ways we will initially not see or understand. This is a great opportunity to ask them questions and better understand them. Asking questions and listening to them intently also is a great way to demonstrate to them that you care about them and love them. The same goes for the other members of the family.

I am going to include a summary of points here for principle number six. There was a lot of content and I felt like at times maybe my moving through it and leaving out a story or illustration from Gregg may have made it more difficult to follow the over-arching points at times so to ensure you know the points as you listen to the audio I have provided them here. Read these before the audio and it will certainly increase your understanding and make listening to the audio more beneficial.

1. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop. Most kids get into trouble because they have nothing productive to do with their time and their skill, and it’s our responsibility as parents and as grandparents to use our wisdom to guide their strength so that they are able to accomplish good things with the energy and the skills that they have.

2. Avoid creating a sense of entitlement in your kids by giving them everything and asking for nothing from them. Kids want to be wanted, and they need to be needed. Kids want to be challenged. They want meaningful work. We should not be just giving them busy work or work that has no long lasting value. They need actual projects that need to be done by someone, and this allows us to include our kids and the family, too.

3. Invest in tools instead of toys. You want them to enjoy working rather than just enjoy consuming.

4. Use things—that’s tools and possessions—to love people. Don’t use people to love things.

5. Lead by your own example of generosity toward others in their times of need and also by allowing others to help you in your times of need. Participate in the body of Christ as one who both gives and receives in love, and you will be doing a great deal of good for your local church.

Other books and or authors for consideration…

Dr. James Dobson (Parenting)

“Bringing Up Boys”

“Bringing Up Girls”

“Dare To Discipline”

“The Strong-Willed Child”

Phillip Lancaster’s “Family Man Family Leader” (Husbands and Fathers)

Debi Pearl’s “Created To Be His Help Meet” (Wives and Mothers)

Michael and Debi Pearl’s “To Train Up A Child” (Parenting)

Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” (Marriage and Parenting)